shit happens.. Portland.Oregon
  • Dad:

    Why the hell did you put a comma there?

  • Dad:

    Do you even know what a participial phrase is?

  • Dad:

    Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.

  • Dad:

    Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?

  • Dad:

    Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.

  • Dad:

    Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.

  • Dad:

    I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.

  • Dad:

    Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.

  • Dad:

    Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.

  • Dad:

    Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.

  • Dad:

    It's like you didn't read the fucking book.

  • Dad:

    Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.

  • Dad:

    *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*

  • Dad:

    My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.

  • Dad:

    Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...

  • Dad:

    Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.

  • Dad:

    I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.

  • Dad:

    Fuck the government.

  • Dad:

    Fuck the school board.

  • Dad:

    Close the door.

  • Dad:

    Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.

  • Dad:

    I love puns.

  • Dad:

    People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.

  • Dad:

    Please shut up.

  • Dad:

    Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.

  • Dad:

    I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.

  • Dad:

    I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.

  • Dad:

    You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.

  • Dad:

    Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.

  • Dad:

    I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.

  • Dad:

    If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.

  • Dad:

    They act like I care what they think.

  • Dad:

    I hate homework.

  • Dad:

    I have decided to become a politician.

  • Dad:

    What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

edwardspoonhands:

Suddenly I’m a Pittsburgh fan…one baby is all it took.

(Source: wildpens, via andrysb24)

vriskaaserket:

I WAS DRINKING WATER AND I JUST SPIT IT OUT ON TO MY SCREEN HOLY SHIT

vriskaaserket:

I WAS DRINKING WATER AND I JUST SPIT IT OUT ON TO MY SCREEN HOLY SHIT

(via strictly-funny-shit)

cvmfest:

ricotomate:

A bunch of drunk college kids tried to play “Alice in Wonderland”

I cry of laughter everytime I watch this. 

what the fuclk did i just watch

(via catbug)

cyberphuk:

togifs:

[video]

"Hello sir, I’d like to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative…"

cyberphuk:

togifs:

[video]

"Hello sir, I’d like to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative…"

(Source: 4GIFs.com, via neenya)

vondell-swain:

vondell-swain:

missyzu:

Fire from a burning building being sucked into a tornado.

wh
get out of there fireman what are you doing
there’s a tornado

I can’t stop laughing at this fireman
he’s just standing there going
“well darn, look at that.
fire tornado.
huh.”

vondell-swain:

vondell-swain:

missyzu:

Fire from a burning building being sucked into a tornado.

wh

get out of there fireman what are you doing

there’s a tornado

I can’t stop laughing at this fireman

he’s just standing there going

“well darn, look at that.

fire tornado.

huh.”

(Source: goldenerschnitt, via asymmetrical-stripes)

algrenion:

overlypolitebisexual:

whenever i see these post-apocalyptic films set in the USA where everyone is pretty much just killing each other with no mention of other nations i always just assume that the rest of the world is fine and has learnt how to resume life as normal

 

(via princessfreewill)

makeupandlaughter:

One of the best jokes on that show.

(Source: 2000ish, via dreamfaerye)

mindfangz:

i fuckin see u there dexter go back to ur own goddamn show

mindfangz:

i fuckin see u there dexter go back to ur own goddamn show

(Source: amurderscene, via hi)

taylorsnoangel:

scotsmcall:

zaynyboy:

ok but literally how

watching the range of emotions of the judges was even more entertaining i cannot 

ssfrostiron:

 Agent Coulson is down

#gif warning #avengers #okay but why does nOBODY EVER TALK ABOUT THE GENERATION GAP #come on guys this is the MOST INTERESTING THING #look if steve had lived through the war he would have been part of that post-wwii generation #imagine steve in the 60S GUYS #you think he would have put up with those young folks disrespecting those soldiers and his country by protesting the war? HECK NO #remember that scene at the beginning of ca:tfa where he tells off that guy in the movie theater? THAT WOULD BE STEVE IN THE 60S #and tony is in his 40s!! tony is gen x! tony is NOT EVEN A BOOMER #tony is TOO YOUNG TO BE A BABY BOOMER tony is YOUNGER THAN OUR PARENTS #tony doesn’t know what it’s like to live in a country that’s in total war! tony doesn’t know what it’s like for loyalty to your country t… #to be something that almost everyone has! #look guys we make fun of america ALL THE TIME we mock patriotism and nationalism and the usa CON STANT LY #when steve hears the word soldier he equates it with the word hero #and when tony hears the word soldier he hears an insult. #because steve’s war is wwii #and tony’s wars are vietnam and iraq and afghanistan and tony knows that when america fights wars it is not necessarily the good guy! #and steve cannot even BEGIN to comprehend that #steve barely knows what WATERGATE is for god’s sake steve probably still trusts the government #steve doesn’t know about jfk conspiracy theories! steve doesn’t know about the patriot act #(and let me remind you that in 616 canon steve actually fought a war to bring down the expy!patriot act) #god america has grown up SO MUCH since steve’s day #americans are sarcastic and cynical and plugged into the media 24/7 #americans depricate themselves constantly americans hate america more than anybody else does #pearl harbor turned america into a unified force for change in the world; 9/11 turned america into something paranoid and bitter #steve no longer represents america #he represents what america wishes it had ever been #and tony? tony understands the usa a whole lot better than steve does and he knows it and steve never will #and tony understands how war can destroy and steve only understands how it can save #holy christ why would you write porn when you could write about that

(Source: rob-downeyjr, via abaddonless)

I enjoy being indoors. I enjoy laying on couches, snacking, and reading (watching TV). Summer sucks because it is the only season when, if I want to do this in the middle of a gorgeous day, people (my children) look at me like I’m a disgusting person. Well, guess what? It’s 90 degrees out there, it’s 68 degrees in here, and this episode of The Bachelorette isn’t going to watch itself.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
2615977 Plays

powells:

Happy Earth Day! Make your profile picture one of our magical Earth Day 2014 patches and spread the love of used books far and wide! http://powells.us/1raK4Yr

(via rainbowrowell)

wannabeanimator:

DreamWorks has released the first five minutes of How to Train Your Dragon 2

(via princessfreewill)

Trista.17.Portland